Friday, January 14, 2011

Top Ten Tips For Weathermen

So the calendar says January 15th. In my book that means "the dead of winter." I am not particularly a fan of winter. Anyone who knows me, knows that I really thrive in the sunshine. Not so much in winter.

Emily Dickinson said it best when she said,
"I shall have no winter this year...
I thought it best to omit the season..." 

She wrote a poem that sums up winter afternoons:

"There’s a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons—
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes—...
When it comes, the Landscape listens—
Shadows—hold their breath—
When it goes, ’tis like the Distance
On the look of Death
"

Granted, I am not as bad off it seems as poor Emily was but I did drop a class once because the professor insisted on trying to bend this poem into a number of strange interpretations, none of which had anything to do with the fact that it was well known that Emily didn't do well in the winter. I sat there and listened to him and thought, "gee-all poor Emily needed was some sun." I figured if he couldn't figure that out and he had a Ph.D, it was going to be a hard semester. I took the class again from a different professor and it was much better. 

At any rate, I do much better when the sun is shining and the days are longer. Most people do actually. When Valentine's Day rolls around, the dreaded Utah inversions tend to go away, the days are longer, and the sun stays out most of the time. I wait for Valentine's Day every year. I really think I was meant to live on the equator.

I watched the news this morning before Jim and Seth got off for work and school. I wanted to know what the weather man would say. He said very matter of factly, "mostly cloudy today" or "clouds all day" or something like that but the word cloud was in there and no mention of the sun at all. It was a terrible forecast said so glumly.

So I have decided that the weatherman needs some alternative ideas for what to say on January 15th for all the people like me and Emily. :)

Instead of saying what he did, I recommend the following top ten list...

  1. Hang in there folks, Valentine's Day is right around the corner.
  2. It looks like the SUN will be shining next Wednesday as you can see right here on my chart.
  3. Every cloud has a silver lining and therefore you can think of a cloudy day as really a "silver-lined" day.
  4. You know folks, today might be a good day to look at pictures of Hawaii on the internet.
  5. The days are getting longer everyday, isn't that wonderful!
  6. "The sun will come out tomorrow...bet your bottom dollar" (The musical Annie)...and he could hum.
  7.  If you close your eyes and imagine, you can picture yourself enjoying spring which is right around the corner.
  8. You know, Thumper's Dad said that "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" (The movie Bambi)... so today I will just point to a picture of the sun and say "tink happy tawts." (The movie Hook).
  9. There is a large sale going on right now for sunscreen, you should all stock up.
  10. I forecast SUN and lots of it...just not today. Hang in there folks. 
Now isn't that a much better forecast
than the one he gave this morning?

3 comments:

  1. OK.

    I'll let you know if he responds. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hang in there, Liz--just 31 days left till light and freedom!!

    ReplyDelete